Stay in the Driving Seat

My wonderful friend Kathy Stewart sent me the following quote, from Deepak Chopra's book "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success". She knew I'd love it, as it conveys so well an insight we've discussed many times, and which has been life-changing for us both:

"When you feel frustrated or upset by a person or situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or situation, but to your feelings about the person or situation. They are your feelings, and your feelings are not someone else's fault. When you recognise and understand this completely, you are ready to take responsibility for how you feel and to change it." Deepak Chopra

This is a challenging idea at first.  It flies in the face of what many of us were trained to believe since birth, and to make use of it in a constructive way, you have to make a crucial distinction between taking responsibility and taking the blame.

Blame is debilitating.  At first, it feels like relief, but when you make someone else responsible for how you feel, you give away all of your power.  You are no longer in the driving seat of your own life.  And very soon you feel like the victim you just perceived yourself to be.  Worse still, when blame is directed towards yourself it turns into shame.  Even more debilitating.  Toxic.  Paralysing.  After all, when you mistakenly believe you are 'not good enough', you are no longer resourceful enough to believe you can do any better. 

When you take responsibility for how you feel, recognising your emotions are your body's reaction to your thoughts and not the people and events in your life, you connect with the Truth.  You understand that you have been doing the best you could, given whatever stressful thoughts you were believing in the moment. You also have all your personal power available, free to change how you feel, and free to make new choices from now on.  With that awareness comes profound peace.

So if you are angry or upset with someone right now, put yourself back in the driving seat.  Choose the best-feeling, most empowering perspective you can find, and come back home to your beautiful,  heart-centred, powerful Self.