Have you ever set a goal, and suddenly found yourself heading faster than ever in the opposite direction? Perhaps you began a weightloss diet and suddenly felt compelled to eat all kinds of junk you weren't even eating before? Perhaps you joined a gym and commited to 'work out' three times a week from now on, only to end up glued to the sofa? Or perhaps you decided back in January that this was the year you were going to write your book, and put your work - and yourself - 'out there' in a big way, only to find four months later that you haven't even squeezed out a blog post?!
OK. So maybe that last one's just me... but you get the idea! Something's important to you, maybe really important to you, and yet you seem to thwart your attempts at every turn. You may make a little headway here and there, but the effort involved is huge. And without constant vigilant attention, your Autopilot seems to whip the 'wheel right out of your hands and spin you around in the opposite direction. Eventually the Will Power runs out, and we say enough's enough! That's when the "fun" really begins, of course, as we've not only 'failed' in our attempt but we get to add "self-sabotage" to our long list of faults. We're not 'back to square one', we're way further back than that. Or so it seems...
But what if there was really no such thing as self-sabotage? What if your Autopilot was actually revealing to you other intentions you hold dear, intentions which have previously been outside of your conscious awareness, and which need to be respected if you're to be happy as well as successful? What if these experiences are the ideal opportunity to get to know your Whole Self better - to get up close and personal with the parts of you that are often ignored - and experience true joy? What if every apparent set-back is really a moment of Truth, inviting you to dissolve the apparent conflict and discover a new way of being which honours everything that's important to you? What if, in those moments where your Dream Destination feels more distant than ever, you are actually on the brink of a breakthrough?
If you are taking one step forward and two steps back in any area of your life, and are ready to end the cycle of 'on track / off track' once and for all, here's my invitation to you: Grab your Travel Log, open up a new page, and split it into two columns. Now, stop and fully consider...
What are the competing intentions
that need to be heard and honoured?
Tune into the part of you that wants you to make progress on your goal, and notice what's important to you. What do you believe 'success' will give you? Make a list in the first column, noting everything that comes to mind. Then tune in to the part of you that seems to be getting in the way. What needs, desires and intentions are being met in the moment that you stop, or even turn around completely? Make a list in the second column. Be open. Be curious. Be patient.
For example, if you have excess weight you'd like to lose, perhaps your intentions include comfort, good health, energy, aesthetic beauty, longevity, control and a whole list of other needs best met at your ideal weight. But if the route you have chosen for achieving weightloss is a bland and restrictive diet and a punishing exercise regime that leaves you hungry, exhausted and in pain, then perhaps the part of you that spins you around wants you to honour your intentions to experience joy, freedom, pleasure, nourishment, fun, simplicity and kindness (and if there are things on that second list which are more important to you in the moment than looking and feeling good down the road, don't expect your regimen to last long...). Be willing to assume, just for now, that this part of you ALSO has your best interests at heart, and if something comes up which does not feel positive, dig deeper until you find something that makes sense. For example, if you feel 'held back', that might be about self-protection, which might in turn reflect an intention to keep you safe.
Now read back what you have written in both columns. There's an opportunity before you, the chance to draw on your creativity and willingness to experiment...! Simply ask yourself the question;
How can I meet ALL of my intentions,
now and in the future?
You can't travel down two roads at the same time. But you can discover a third way, a truer way. Just sit. And wait. And listen. And then take inspired action...
Wondering if this approach works? Well, after years of struggling with my own weight, I'm 30lbs lighter than I was just a few months ago and, more importantly, really enjoying the ride. And having spent a few minutes yesterday applying this same approach to my writing... well... you're reading this blog post! So far, so good.
So how about you? Are you curious about the positive intention of the part of you that hasn't been heard, until now? Are you ready to let go of what you think you need to do, in order to create more authentic possibilities for yourself? Are you ready to experience something new and different, and allow the whole of you to come along for the ride? I hope so. Everything you really want is waiting for you on the other side...
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal:
it is the courage to continue that counts."
Sir Winston Churchill
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